The hero isn't always the good guy, or girl.

Have you ever lost your coffee?

Laugh. If you know, you know. If you don’t, you probably think this question is absurd.

Let’s talk.

This wasn’t coffee #1 of the day. It was actually cup #3. By then, you’d think the drinker would be full awake, firing on all cylinders, revved on high octane, right?

No.

I’d just reached that Zen stage of mildly aware and grooving. Distracted, yes, but not obscenely so.

Until I reached to my right for another sip.

And the mug wasn’t there.

Huh.

Mind you, there is NO one in the house but me and Checkers. Since that black and white fuzzball doesn’t have thumbs, and really hates the smell of coffee, AND the cup wasn’t in pieces on the floor, it wasn’t the cat.

Double huh.

Alright. Check the usual places. The desk didn’t have it. Not even behind the laptop screen. The table to the left, recently cleaned and only possessing the OTHER laptop, post-it notes (some under the laptop), and two boxes of miscellaneous screws, was clear.

Okay. Coffee maker. Maybe I filled it and forgot it there?

Nope.

The bedroom? Nightstand, dresser, bed (yes, sometimes I set it there even though it could spill)… all empty. Well, not empty, but no mugs.

Bathroom? Don’t go ew, it happens, okay? More like shit happens there. But nope.

Kitchen table? Refridgerator? Sink?

By this point I’m checking EVERY flat surface in the house. It’s gone like Keiser Sosa.

Huh. I’m questioning my sanity and checking the cupboard to make certain the cup I’d been drinking from wasn’t sitting on the shelf. Nope.

By the couch! Surely I must have set it on the coffee table, or the floor, or between the cushions? Nope.

Recheck every place above, even the refrigerator.

Are you seeing it yet? Some of you folks are laughing their asses off by now. Others are probably wondering if this writer was hallucinating the entire time and there never was a coffee cup with coffee in it. But I assure, it was REAL, dammit.

I’m standing at the sink, checking UNDER the pile of dirty dishes and contemplating life. Then I look left and notice the microwave blinking. That’s odd. I thought we reset the clock after the power went out yesterday.

[blink, blink]

Yeah. I heated it up and forgot it. Now it’s cold.

So, instead of warming it up again, I took it to the computer, cold, and wrote a blog post about it.

HA!